Day 37, Vol 2

Ever since I started thinking about training for a half marathon I have been searching for the reasons why I am motivated to run 13.1 miles. Even when I signed up for the race I still questioned what I was doing. Even I think I'm a little crazy. I know there is a deeper reason than the sense of accomplishment I will feel after finishing the race. Yesterday I stopped questioning why and decided to live with the fact that I may never know exactly why. I have two reasons to stop questioning why: surrender and mystery.

Sunday's message in church focused on surrender. I was reminded that sometimes we are so focused on ourselves we think: I can, I will, I am, I can't, etc., without looking beyond our own human capabilities. At times when we are at our weakest, we need to remember to surrender to God in order to accomplish our goals. Otherwise, we are only fighting ourselves. Case in point, my feet and ankles ached horribly on Sunday during mile 6 of my 8 mile run. I wanted to quit. I decided to surrender to God and almost immediately I stopped thinking about the physical pain I was dealing with. My focus shifted to simply finishing my run. Before I made the decision to surrender to God, I was fighting myself and my own body so much I almost had myself convinced I couldn't finish.

I think surrender and mystery go hand-in-hand. If I can't surrender, I can't enjoy mystery. In my opinion, the mystery of life's purpose makes life fun and interesting so I want to enjoy it. If we knew all the answers ahead of time, what would we have to look forward to; what would we have to fear? There would be no surprises, no excitement, no "ah ha" moments, no epiphanies, no letdowns, no disappointments. I don't fear my race, I look forward to it. Therefore, I don't need an answer right now as to why I'm doing this. Maybe I won't ever need an answer. Maybe I'll get an answer and maybe I won't. I'm going to just embrace the experience and enjoy the mystery.